The University Of Labradoria

Successful Theses

THESIS SUMITTED TO UNIVERSITY OF LABRADORIA BY KIMMY TO EARN THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF RETRIEVING

Kimmy is the only MiniKelpie in the world, a cross between a Kelpie (an Australian sheep and cattle dog) and a Corgi (we think). So he is a Kelpie with very short legs and because Kimmy has no testicles he will always be the only MiniKelpie in the world. He will never be the founder of a long line of MiniKelpies. That's a pity because Kimmy is one of the friendliest, most loving, playful alert dogs you could meet anywhere betweeen Canberra (where he lives) and Timbuctoo which is a very long way from Canberra.

Kimmy has a number of special skills but the one for which he is applying to the University of Labradoria to get the degree of Master of Retrieving is his skill and enthusiasm for chasing sticks, balls and any other damn thing he can get his mouth around. This dog is obsessive. You can toss the ball 50 times, 100 times and he will bring it back to be thrown again. Once we set out to see if we could tire Kimmy out but we gave up after 150 retrieves. Kimmy was still as fresh as a daisy and wanting to to do just one more. Oh, and we forgot to mention, if you do not throw the ball immediately he drops it at your feet, Kimmy barks till you do. The thing that makes Kim really worthy of the degree of Master of Retrieving is that he is sometimes even more willing to go and fetch something instead of eating his dinner.

Down at the beach Kimmy specialises in retrieving sticks from the surf. He is pretty brave and will go into boiling water to find the stick and swim back with it. Down at the creek for his evening walk, the water is still, not rough like the sea and no matter how far you throw the stick Kimmy will swim out to retrieve it. Kimmy's best water retrieve so far is a stick five times as long as he is. A full length broomstick is nothing to Kimmy.

Kimmy is not quite so good at retrieving Ug boots. For people who do not know, Ug boots are made out of sheepskin and are beautifully warm in a cold Canberra winter. The trouble is that when Kim sets out to retrieve an Ug boot he suddenly regresses to the days when dogs were hunters and he realises that the Ug boot has to be killed before it can be retrieved. Now the only way you can kill an Ug boot is to shake the living daylights out of it and then bite it at its most vulnerable point, on the instep. But Ug boots are very hard to kill and the two that Kim has killed so far have ended up a proper mess before they snuffed it. Kimmy seems to be quite disappointed when told that a dead Ug boot is absolutely useless for keeping anyone's foot warm.

Examining Committee's Report

This dog clearly meets the minimum requirements for earning the degree of Master of Retrieving from the University of Labradoria, despite the very high standards maintained by the University. Because of his small size, the committee were prepared to invoke some affirmative action if Kimmy's thesis was not quite good enough. We would have been prepared to award Kimmy a Bachelor of Retrieving if he only like retrieving some of the time. But we were most impressed with Kimmy's ability to make life hell for anyone who thought that they would casually throw the ball once and then go back inside. If Kimmy keeps this sort of behaviour up he could well qualify for Doctor of Retrieving in the near future. Good boy Kimmy.

THESIS FOR DOCTOR OF DISHLICKING (CURRENTLY BEING EXAMINED)

I would like to submit my thesis on behalf of our dog Jandie (named after his mothers hometown Jandowie QLD) He is a Labrador X ( possibly Kelpie) .We hope he may qualify for a Doctor of Dish Licking .

To begin with, he will eat any food put at his level (unfortunately this is the same level our 1year old happens to hold her food as she eats it), he is very good at cleaning up any food dropped from the table by our seven children including beetroot,zuccini,tomato and lettuce-the Blue has trained him well .I nearly forgot to mention his interest in seeking out dirty nappies and cleaning up the contents.

He enjoys cleaning up his own bowl as well as helping our other two dogs (a retired Blue Cattle Dog and a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) clean up their plates too.

Jandy may have an identity crisis however as he also enjoys breaking into the chicken pen to eat - not eggs, not fresh chicken but chicken seed! Along with the Blue he regularly indulges in fresh horse manure and the occasional rotten egg. Unfortunately he developed his culinary tastes to a new low two weeks ago he decided to try rats, the biggest problem being they had already been killed by rat bait .After a drug induced throwing up session (enough to make the poor Cav want to be sick too) at the local vets and a round of blood tests in the last week, he is back to peacefully laying down in the toddler pool, blowing bubbles and fighting with that arch enemy the running garden hose.

His plans for the future seem to be proving that if you are dedicated enough you can dig a hole to China (or would it be Russia?) from your backyard north of Brisbane

THESIS SUMITTED TO UNIVERSITY OF LABRADORIA BY CHAMP TO EARN THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF GAMES

Champ is a wonderful golden labrador aged seven and a half. We have had him for a year. He was surrendered to the RSPCA and we went there to buy a Christmas tree. When we first met Champ he was not interested in us. He was fixed on the ball we had in our hands and he played for an hour without stopping, constantly ignoring us and foccussing on the ball.

When we got Champ home he wanted to go to the park 6 or 7 times a day. Our arms got sore as we could not throw the ball far enough and then hallejuhah we discovered this device that picks ups up slobbery balls and lauches them into the universe!!!! A totally satisfying experience for a labrador that wants to chase a ball all day every day!

In addition Champ loves to swim - again he would do this activity all day or all night. However he does not only want to go to Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra just to swim - that would be boring. There must be a ball involved. As Champ near the water - he perks up, grabs the ball from the floor of the car and waits patiently for the command to be off. The moment it is safe to do so he is out of the car, drops the balls, waits expectantly for the ball to be launched into the lake (this activity can occur winter or summer) and then retrieves the ball again and again. At the end of this - if it ever ends- Champ proudly walks around the lake with the ball in his mouth, greeting everyone affectionately, demonstrating to them how proud he is to have achieved this great feat.

These activities have been ablely assisted by Ann Kwasigroch, a champ devotee who constantly provides him with a plentiful supply of bones and good quality meat from her property. Champ wants to share this masters degree with her as a token of his esteem.

THESIS SUMITTED TO UNIVERSITY OF LABRADORIA BY DARLA TO EARN THE DEGREE OF MASTER OF GAMES

Darla is a 2 year old little girl black lab, and Darla loves nothing more than to play any sort of game, especially soccer. Every day from when she wakes up she is whimpering at the back door with the soccer ball at her feet, for anyone to come out and play. She picks up the soccer ball and will drop it at your feet, lying her front legs down and bottom in the air, not taking her eyes off the ball. Chasing it that fast that she falls over when she slows down and always returning it, barking for you to kick it again.

She is very skilled as she can jump up into the air and catch the ball with her front paws and drop it to the ground. Everyday Darla goes to the local high school oval where she plays soccer with her family for 1 hour, even when her family plays keeping off, Darla is too good and has the ball within 5 seconds. Darla has 3 soccer balls, her red one being her favourite. Darla also loves playing tennis, cricket, chase at the beach and fetching a stick in the dam when out at her Nan and Pop’s Farm.

Darla will play soccer for hours and won’t stop until you leave even then she still bothers her brother Roscoe (8 year old Dalmatian) by dropping the ball next to him and barking, and jumping on him to play. When Darla gets very excited about people coming out to play with her, she loves to pick up one of her many toys and do laps around the back yard as fast as she can. She also loves playing chase inside and out the house with her family, hiding under the kitchen table and bed, waiting for someone to pass then jumping out and barking to surprise them, then running off. If Darla had her way she would never stop playing games.

Examining Committee's Report

The examining committee of the University of Labrador had no difficulty in placing Darla in the top five per cent of all candidates for the Master of Games degree. After further consideration, her degree may even be upgraded to the highest category, summa cum laude. Two things particularly impressed committee members. One was Darla’s all-round skills in a wide variety of games---soccer, tennis, cricket, keep off……you name it. The other was her inclusiveness, her ready willingness to invite others, both dogs and other species, to join in. We thought her persistence in getting Roscoe (clearly a shy dog) to join in is particularly important, showing as it does that Darla has a caring nature and only wants the best for those around her. Well done Darla.

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